..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
