I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
