are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize