batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize