It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let's get the cat blown out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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