apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
