The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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