I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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