I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
