remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
