I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
