I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
