good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize