I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
