remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
