when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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