UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
