she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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