fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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