Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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