You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
