I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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