i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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