I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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