I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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