Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
