Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize