youre lurking in front of me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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