I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
