Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
