If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
3 2 1 whiskey
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
