Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
