Screwed.edu
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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