i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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