I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
