no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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