Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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