Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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