You're my little dorito
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
