I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
