i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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