is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
