Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
