I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
