just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
