There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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