She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
