mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
