I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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