a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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