I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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