like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
