guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
