he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
