My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
