So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize