help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize