you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
