It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
