We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize