listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she peed on how many people?
Are my feet made of real feet?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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