Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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