I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
