so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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